I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
