I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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