matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
