I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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