So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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