ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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