that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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