i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
