Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
