she looked like the before picture.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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