the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
