its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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