so explain again why im purple
no
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sext me about skeletons
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
