Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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