Apparently you make a good broom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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