Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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