i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
