I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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