My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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