she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
