I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
