i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
