But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize