i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
