even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
