Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need to stop coming to work sober
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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