The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
