Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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