I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
