There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You don't make any sense
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