I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
