The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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