I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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