Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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