OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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