Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We need a shit load of segways right now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize