What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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