am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
