anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
