Im at strip club and am horny
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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