I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dick has a subreddit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
