I wannas sexs uuuuu
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
