I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
