I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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