what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
