Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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