just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
