Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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