I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
