The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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