I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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