Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
