At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize