peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
