If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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