mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
