I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
