Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
