we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
