I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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