Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
