Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize