Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
