can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize