We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
