we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
