im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
