Are we in a gay sports bar?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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