You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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