I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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